Well, I opened a can of worms. A few weeks ago, I listed a few of the common spelling mistakes that make us laugh (or groan). Since then, my mailbox runneth over with more. So before the “statue” of limitations runs out (where IS that statue, anyway?) let’s review a few from the Bad Spelling Hall of Fame.
My friend Kimberly Jarrett writes, “I once sent a sales pitch offering to spank someone’s interest.” Be careful what you wish for, Kimberly. It might create a spark.
One letter can make a world of difference, as a church learned when they sent a bulletin inviting “anyone who enjoys sinning to join our choir.” Wonder if they had a big turnout?
Or the wedding invitation that stated, “Darnell and Lola humbly request your presents.” Or maybe that wasn’t misspelled after all. They might need more can openers.
Cara Baker told me about a woman who was angry that her child was punished at school. When the teacher explained that the boy had misbehaved, Mom asked, “Can’t you be more pacific?” Only if we go out west.
Cindy Lowery told me about a Facebook friend who was raring to go one morning. “Up and Adam, everyone!” she wrote. Eve could not be reached for comment.
You can find lots of bargains on the community yard sale pages. I’ve been told you can get a deal on “rod iron” furniture. What hath spell check wrought? You can also get a beautiful reef (wreath), and you don’t even have to dive into the ocean.
If you like shiny shoes, go on Craigslist and you might find “lightly worn Pat and Leather shoes.” I know a lot of folks named Pat, but haven’t yet met Leather.
My friend David Hirt knew a woman who said she was having a problem with her legs. “It’s my very close veins,” she said.
Speaking of pain, I read a man’s comment about having to cut back on sweets, or the doctor said he would get “die of beaties.”
One Facebook friend saw a post from a pregnant lady, asking for advice from those who had experienced natural childbirth as opposed to a “sea sexion.”
A mom kept her child home from school because he had “chicken pops.”
Former teacher Rebecca Page recalls a sign on the highway, advertising “Lawn More Repair.” Because one lawn isn’t enough, I guess.
Lorraine Whitehorn reports on a fast-food place that had a sign directing folks to “Drive Thur.” What about the other six days of the week, do we have to walk?
Teacher Claire Wood, remembers a student who wrote an essay about her favorite memory from elementary school. It was “showing tail.”
There are the sound-alike, look-alike words that many of us have trouble with, like definite and defiant, advice and advise, or idea and ideal. Cemetery and calendar are misspelled constantly. I saw one guy’s response to a Facebook argument, advising his opponent to “settle down, you can breath easy now.”
Misspellings even make sense, now and then. Who wants to go to work when there is a sign warning about a “staff” infection? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near that staff, would you?
Even restaurants fall victim to misspelled words, like the one that listed a chicken flay sandwich on the menu. (Do they also have flay of fish?)
One reader reported seeing a sign in a parking lot: “Illegally parked cars will be fine.” And dandy? That probably replaced a sign which threatened to toe your car.
A teacher got an email from a student who was expecting a failing grade. “Just tell me how bad it was. Don’t sugar code it.”
Another teacher tells me about a parent who complained about children spreading germs. “You need to teach those kids about proper high jean!”
After reading about a couple’s 60th wedding anniversary, one Facebook commenter wrote “They should be congratulated for their long jevitty.”
Media outlets are often accused of fake news these days, with comments like this: “Why are you so bias?”
A man posted a photo of himself, dressed up as the famous founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken. “You look like Colonial Sanders!” a friend wrote. Maybe there was a kernel of truth there.
Some of the younger sports announcers struggle with versus, as in Braves versus Mets. They think the abbreviation “vs” is pronounced verse. At the rate we’re going, someday it will just be “viz.”
One Facebook guy was complaining about a politician, but a friend argued, “It’s not his flaut.” Then whose flaut is it?
And when someone writes, “Please bare with me,” do we have to undress?
But my new favorite may be this one: “Why do so many people like Scrabel? It’s a dum game.”
Thank you, David, for the chuckles.
I am the Grammar Police of our family. I abhor incorrect usage and mispelled common words.
I do enjoy your articles. Please keep up the good work.
Bren
*misspelled
giggle
As usual, enjoyed some more of your work. Thanks for giving this little fat lady a giggle or two. Really enjoyed your visit to our Church group. You’re welcome anytime.
Quite a few years ago, on East Brainerd Road, there was a place selling stone! The sign in front in big letters said “Stone for Sell”!
Thanks for the chuckles, I really needed it this week. And to Brenda, I am a member of your “Grammar Police Club”.
As a long-in-the-tooth grammar geek and word nerd in a single body, I applaud your efforts to remind us of the importance of our language. I am a retired merchant shipping manager (ship manager is the official title, but sparks a shipload of confusion), and English is the international language of the sea. How can we ever expect someone from a small South Pacific island to speak clear and concise English when we are unable to do it ourselves?
My dad said “up and adam” every morning until I was a little older when he said “up and at ’em”. I had an Annie Ellen until she became Auntie Ellen. If you have a problem needs addressed don’t nick it in the butt like my friend suggested. That hurts! Nip it in the bud instead. Another friend said she didn’t “take it for granite” because the solution to the matter was not set in stone. And rod iron makes sense too! I have never met her but Leather Tuscadero was almost as cool as the Fonz. Thanks, Mr. Carroll