As a TV news anchor, I try to avoid clichés.
I grimace when I hear that “officials are tight-lipped.” In fact, I usually tighten my own lips, to no avail.
Sometimes, we tell you that someone in the news is “finally speaking out!” I suppose they are tired of whispering. In fact, they may be “breaking their silence.” That one makes me laugh, because my wife accuses me of doing that shortly after I wake up each morning. (Think about it.)
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve ended a crime story by saying, “The investigation is continuing,” I’d have some serious cash. I mean, that should be obvious. We all know that cops aren’t going to leave the scene and say, “You know what, JIm? I’m stumped. Let’s just forget about it, and maybe the whole thing will go away.”
“Police talk” can be entertaining. Occasionally I’ll hear an officer say, “We’re looking for the gentleman who held up the First Downtown Bank.” Sir, if he’s robbing banks, that man is no gentleman.
When the police are pursuing a suspect, we are often told the man got out of the vehicle and “fled on foot.” Now I know that he did not flap his wings and fly away.
Of course, those of us who are supposed to read words correctly are also guilty of word crimes. We offer safety tips about your “hot water heater.” Now, why would anyone want to heat their hot water?
You’ve often heard us talk about an “ATM machine robbery.” So we’re talking about an Automated Teller Machine machine.
If we say, “canine dogs,” should we also say, “human people?”
A news anchor will introduce “team coverage” by telling you, “We have boots on the ground in the East Tumbleweed community.” Boots are nice, but I was hoping for some actual reporters.
(These reporters are not to be confused with the ones who warn you to stay away from the dangerous tornado zone in which they are standing, just before their hat flies into the ocean, and the wind contorts their mouth around the back of their head.)
This reminds me of the word, “reeling.” As in, “Gas went up a nickel, sending motorists reeling.” Since “reeling” is defined as, “losing one’s balance and lurching violently,” I fear what will happen when it goes up another dime. Maybe we should just say those people are upset.
My TV news friends have also said, “Take a look at this new ride: It is definitely not your father’s Chevrolet!” I can vouch for that, because he never owned one.
The news anchor says, “Tonight there are more questions than answers.” Unless, of course, you’re watching “Jeopardy.”
We’ve told you about people who were in a “terrible accident,” as opposed to a wonderful accident. We describe a “senseless crime” so you’ll know it wasn’t a meaningful one. We tell you that an injured person was taken to a “local” hospital. Promise me that if you find me injured on the highway, you won’t tell the ambulance to take me to a hospital in Utah.
And how about a robbery “gone bad?” Are there any good ones?
Sometimes we use a lot of words when just two will do. Doesn’t “totally engulfed in flames” mean the same thing as “on fire?”
The weather people also slip up. From the Department of Redundancy Department, they’ll say, “Currently right now in Maryville, it’s 71 degrees.”
I try to avoid “literally.” As in, “Police are -literally- combing this neighborhood for clues.” That must be one huge comb.
Remember when “Breaking News” was truly something important? For instance, a major earthquake, or an explosion. Now, the cable “news” channels, yapping for attention like puppies at feeding time, will trumpet their “Breaking News” banner to inform us that “Swimming Pools and Diarrhea Don’t Mix.” Who knew?
What are the cliché’s, unnecessary words, and silly phrases you see and hear on TV newscasts that drive you crazy? Send me your list at RadioTV2020@yahoo.com, and I’ll feature it in a future column.
At the end of the day, here’s the bottom line: it remains to be seen. Because only time will tell.
