“Ask the News Guy!”

Every now and then, I dip my toe into controversy, which is risky.  When you express an opinion on a hot topic, someone always gets mad.  So I wrote a blog post about a current news story, and before clicking “Publish,” I showed it to my closest advisors (my wife and sons).  In an unprecedented show of power, they outvoted me.  “Write about something lighter, more fun,” they said.  “Your tens of readers are counting on you to make them smile.”  So, as requested by my inner circle, here are some recent questions, and my unrehearsed responses.  We’ll call it, “Ask the News Guy!”

Hey News Guy, how’s that book going?

When my book came out, I told my wife, “It’s going to be big.  It could go national.  Chattanooga broadcasting is a big deal!”  She laughed it off.  The next day, the phone rang.  She answered, and with a startled look, she handed it to me.  “It’s USA Today.  They asked for you.” I just smiled, knowingly.  Sure enough, it was USA Today.  They told me they were starting home delivery in my neighborhood.

What do you think of this crazy weather? 

Monday morning I was in a grocery store, a bank, and a post office.  I was asked each time about the weather.  I kept explaining that I’m not a weather guy.  But they all insisted, so I made 3 “predictions,” all different.  I figure one of them will be right, and that person will tell everyone how smart I am.

Do you wear a toupee? 

This question was recently forwarded to me from my co-anchor Cindy Sexton.  A longtime friend of ours didn’t want to ask me directly, so he put her up to asking me.

This happened during a break in a newscast, so she took this photo. Honestly, if I wore a toupee, don’t you think I’d get a better one than this?  I mean, a good toupee wouldn’t have so many holes in it.

What’s your weirdest memory of the Blizzard of 1993?

That would have to be a phone call I took in the Channel 3 newsroom one night.  There were power outages all over the Tennessee Valley, and one lady called in, really angry.  “Find out why my power hasn’t been turned back on,” she demanded.  I asked her where she lived, and she gave me her address.  I asked if her neighbors had power, and she replied, “I don’t have any close neighbors, but a car just drove by with his headlights on, so he’s got power!”

What’s bugging you about the current state of journalism?

Funny you should ask.  A few days ago, the 1970s pop duo “Captain & Tennille” announced they were divorcing.

Now that’s a sad story, there’s nothing uplifting about a divorce.  Of course, the song they’re best known for is “Love Will Keep Us Together.”  But instead of just reporting the facts of the divorce, lazy headline writers and entertainment reporters all said the very same, lame thing.  You guessed it.  “Love couldn’t keep them together, after all!”  I saw this a hundred times on multiple media outlets, large and small.  It wasn’t funny or cute. Just lazy.

What’s the weirdest news story you’ve seen recently?

From the police blotter on Chattanoogan.com, there was this:  “A loss prevention specialist at Sears Hamilton Place spotted a man stealing bras, trying to leave without paying.  When apprehended, the man said he planned to sell the bras at half price.”  Had he succeeded, how would he have carried out his plan?  Would he have stood on a street corner, shouting, “Ladies! Come over here!  I can get your bras half off!”

What’s the one thing that really drives you nuts about telephone customer service reps?

When I call to report that I can’t connect to the Internet.  The first thing they say is, “Okay, first go to our website….”

Seen any interesting magazine covers lately?

Well, there was one last week.  Christie Brinkley, the model, awkward “Uptown Girl” dancer, and former wife of Billy Joel, was on the cover of People magazine.  The cover blared: “Christie at 60!  All her stay young secrets!

Fun fact:  Photoshopping was created in 1980.

Has anything really gotten on your nerves lately?

Why, yes.  For example, I’ve noticed that when I don’t need a rubber band, they’re all over the place. But on those rare occasions when I do, the nearest one is in Grundy County.

I know you love old pictures from Chattanooga TV and radio.  Found any good ones lately?

Sure have!  I’m a big fan of old commercials.  Most of the ones I grew up with no longer exist, but they were classics in their day.  There was this one guy who owned J. M. Sanders Jewelry, at 1431 Market Street, across from the Choo Choo.  He called himself “The Diamond King of the South,” and his commercials were hilarious.

He talked real fast, urging you to “Come on down here people!  We’ve got watches, bracelets, rings, necklaces, they’re on the tables, they’re in the cases, they’re in the hall, they’re on the wall…” He would go on and on until his time was up, and sometimes they would cut him off mid-sentence.  But he sold a lot of jewelry.  I miss real characters like this guy.

Sometimes you close your blog with a music video.  Got a good one this time?

Absolutely. I’ve always loved “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel.  It was a huge hit in 1966, and still gets played on oldies stations today.  Have you ever heard the original version?  The guys recorded it a couple of years earlier, in their own style, with very little accompaniment.  It didn’t go anywhere, so later on, unbeknownst to S & G, their record label added drums, electric bass, and electric guitar.  I guess the label knew best, because they created a number-one record.  But the original sure sounds sweet.  Enjoy!