Full disclosure: I have exactly zero credibility as a psychic.
Let me count the ways. In the 1980s, I predicted that Pat Sajak would stop spinning his wheel, and would replace Johnny Carson as America’s top late night talk show host. (Eventually he did try to compete with Carson, and failed miserably. Last I heard, he is still making a good living selling vowels.)
There is also video evidence of me in 1987 predicting that then-Senator Al Gore Jr. of Tennessee would be elected president. Well, technically I got this right, sort of. Thirteen years later, he got more popular votes than George W. Bush, but as you may recall, a combination of the electoral college, “hanging chads” and the Supreme Court kept Gore out of the Oval Office.
Come to think of it, I may still have time to get that one right. After all, he’s alive and well, and could run in 2024. But wait. I just checked, and he will be 76 years old by then. So forget about it. No one in their right mind would run for president at that age. Anyway…
It’s the beginning of a bright new year, and many highly paid, well respected columnists are making their annual list of predictions. Plus me.
Here goes: I predict that former Brave Dansby Swanson will have a terrific year for his new team, the Chicago Cubs. I also predict he will miss some things he became accustomed to in Atlanta: Timothy Miller singing “God Bless America” each Sunday, the Home Depot tool race, and competing to win a championship.
I predict that in 2023, there will be some notable deaths. We will lose a famous political figure, a well-known actor, and a music legend. (These are the kinds of predictions that made have several so-called psychics famous. At the end of the year, they would say, “Of course I knew it would be Lyndon Johnson, Jack Benny, and Louis Armstrong. I just couldn’t say it.”)
I predict that members of our divided Congress will make a lot of noise, point a lot of fingers, and make some outrageous statements. However, they will pass very few meaningful laws and get almost nothing done, except for sending out thoughts and prayers in times of tragedy.
I predict that President Biden will occasionally appear disoriented, make some nonsensical comments, and cause some to wonder if he’s capable of doing his job. I predict the same will be said about me.
I predict the Golden Gophers of Minnesota will make it to the college football playoff championship game at the completion of the 2023 season. After all, they have the #42 recruiting class in the nation. (Go ahead and laugh. So did TCU this time last year. If I’m wrong about this prediction, no one will remember. But if I’m right, it’s all I’ll talk about.)
I predict at least one of the major political parties will be taken by storm by a presidential candidate who is currently under the radar. He or she will prove to be articulate, energetic, compassionate, and will gain popularity with a centrist, positive platform that resonates with voters.
I also predict that a book publisher will read the preceding paragraph and offer me a huge contract because of my talent for writing fiction.
I predict that 2023 will be a volatile year for gas prices. They will go up, then down, then up again, and then back down.
I also predict that the politicians who take credit when gas prices go down, will suddenly get very quiet when they go back up. I know I’m really going out on a limb here, but psychics must be courageous when making predictions.
Finally, I predict that I will continue to ignore all news stories about bizarre words and phrases like Bitcoin, cryptocurrency, NFTs, Harry and Meghan, and Elon Musk.
Buckle up, friends. 2023 is out of the gate!
