My week: Walmart, stray onion rings, alert neighbors and a 2-hour delay

Quick notes on a cold January day, for those with short attention spans:

From a student on Facebook, upset about having to go to school after a 2-hour delay: “We shouldn’t have to go to school at all tomorrow. It doesn’t make any since.”  Or maybe…it does.

Someone on Twitter recently posted that Louie Armstrong was the first man on the moon.  I don’t think they were kidding, either.  What a wonderful world…

A new Gallup poll says 50% of us still have a VCR.  And most of those have an old Blockbuster tape inside, and are still blinking “12:00.”

My across-the-street neighbor, John Hasek turned 95 last week.  He still drives, plays golf, mows his lawn, and trims his trees.  I went over to congratulate him on his milestone, and he told me a story.  It seems he had a cousin named Ed, who always overshadowed John.  He was a few years older than John, and was a real over-achiever.  “He beat me at everything,” John told me.  They weren’t that close in recent years.  A while back, John learned that Cousin Ed had died, at the age of 94.  So on John’s 95th birthday, he looked at me and grinned, “I finally beat him at something!”  I want to be like John when I grow up.

I’m sitting at the restaurant, looking at the menu. The waitress takes my order. The owner comes by and says to the waitress, “So did you tell him how excited we were to have a celebrity eat here?” “Well,” I said, “I’m really not that big a deal.” “Oh, not you,” she said. “Coach Phil Fulmer was here last week.”

Police arrested a man at a Chattanooga Walmart last week for stuffing $36 worth of pre-packaged meat in his pants, and trying to leave without paying for it.  In other news, Walmart is having a sale on rump roast.

You know it’s going to be a good day, if a stray onion ring somehow finds its way into your box of fries.

Sometimes I amuse even myself. I was at work, and needed to call my wife.  I picked up my desk phone, and accidentally punched in my own cell number, thinking I was calling my wife.  While waiting for her to answer, my cell phone started buzzing.  I checked the Caller ID: it read “WRCB.”  I looked around the newsroom, yelling, “What knucklehead in here is calling me? I’m sitting right here!”  Yes, I’m as sharp as ever.

There was a new girl at the Burger King counter this week.  “You sure look like David Carroll,” she said.  Trying to be funny, I replied, “Oh no, I’m much younger and better-looking than he is.”  She said, “Wait, I recognize your voice, you ARE David Carroll.”  “Yep, you caught me,” I said.  She was not amused.  Next week could be awkward.

Finally, I walked in to CVS Pharmacy the other day, and the cashier said, “Welcome to Olive Garden!”  She was really embarrassed, and told me she used to be a waitress, and this was her first day on the job.  Maybe I should have been the one who was embarrassed, because I sat down in the pharmacy and ordered lasagna.

Until next time, enjoy some hot chocolate, on me: