The New Generation Gap

The first time I noticed it was in the 1970s. The Generation Gap had arrived at my junior high school. The principal was in his sixties, and he was the personification of the term “old school.”

When some of the younger male teachers began to let their hair hang down, we knew change was in the air. They sported long sideburns, mod clothes, and were openly denouncing the Vietnam war and the military draft. Overnight it seemed, our crewcut and pigtail world morphed into Us vs. Them. Mick Jagger swore he would not sing rock and roll at age 40. In fact, we told to never trust anyone over 30. On the car radio, parents and kids would fight over the dial. Please, no more Bing Crosby. We want to hear Crosby, Stills and Nash!

Fifty years later, a similar gap has opened up, and it was never more apparent than during the recent Super Bowl halftime show with Snoop Dogg, Eminem and Dr. Dre. Many people over 45 called it “as assault on my ears” and “an abomination,” complaining, “I can’t understand a word they’re saying.” One lady called my television station (affiliated with NBC, which broadcast the game), and complained about the “obscene gyrations and lewd gestures.”

On the lower side of the gap, the kids of the 90s generation, mostly 45 and under said, “Finally, a halftime show we can relate to!” One said, “I love these oldies!” (Incredible but true. Most of those Super Bowl halftime stars haven’t had a hit in 15-20 years.)

You see the gap in advertising too. To my friends who were born before 1977: I hate to tell you, but you have “aged out” of many advertisers’ target audience. They believe you’re old, tired, and set in your ways. Why should they try to convince you to buy a bag of Doritos? They feel, perhaps correctly, that if you like their product, you have already made that decision. And if you don’t, there’s no way they can change your mind in thirty seconds. To put it bluntly, those who loved being called baby boomers, the generation of sexual liberation and unlimited energy, are now fragile geezers.

So how do you know if you have crossed the northern demographic border, the one advertisers have no interest in approaching?

Here are some questions that should settle the issue once and for all.

If you refer to “Matlock” as Andy Griffith’s new TV show, you may be getting old.

If you consider Mitt Romney and Elizabeth Warren to be fresh-faced presidential alternatives in 2024, you may be getting old.

If you are convinced that the postman is delivering those AARP and Medicare ads to you by mistake, you may be getting old.

If your longtime doctors and dentists have retired, and you are now in the care of their baby-faced sons and daughters, you may be getting old.

If you’re a female football fan who once thought the quarterback was cute…and later thought the head coach was sexy….and now you think the team owner is ruggedly handsome….you may be getting old.

If you get angry about restaurant cashiers offering you the senior discount, until you learn you can get a free glass of sweet tea, you may be getting old.

If you’re convinced there’s something wrong with the upholstery of your driver’s seat, because you can no longer see over the steering wheel, you may be getting old.

If a friend points at your watch and shouts, “What kind is it?” and you answer, “It’s ten after four!” you may be getting old.

If you’re attempting to say a family member’s name, and you stumble through a roll call of all your children, grandchildren, and your pastor before you land on the right name, you may be getting old.

If your friends think a tree branch has snapped every time you rise from your lawn chair, you may be getting old.

As for me, I refuse to surrender to this generation gap nonsense. I stay current and hip. In fact, I had written down some other observations about aging gracefully, but I seem to have misplaced them. Now where are my glasses?