It’s almost graduation season, so get ready for a current events pop quiz. Don’t worry, it is impossible to fail this test. There are 12 multiple-choice questions, and you can circle your favorite answer (or answers). It’s like the honor system, and that’s what America is all about, right? Sharpen your pencils, silence your cell phones, and stay hydrated. You can grade your own test, and then give yourself an A-plus. Clip it, or print it, and post it on the fridge for friends and family to admire. Let’s get started.
- Former president Joe Biden is: A) a senile old man who can barely utter a sentence; B) a political mastermind who still calls the shots in the Democratic Party; C) the guy who was in charge when other nations still liked us; or D) taking a nice long nap.
- President Donald Trump is: A) America’s only hope against evil; B) the weekly winner of golf tournaments at his own golf course; C) more popular than ever, even with the daily economic roller coaster; or D) tweeting the words “witch hunt” at this very moment.
- House Speaker Mike Johnson spends most of his time: A) working to please his constituents; B) working to please President Trump; C) working to please his fellow Congressional Republicans; or D) searching Jobs.com.
- The Atlanta Braves got off to a rough start this season, resulting in fears of lower attendance at Truist Park. When I called the Braves box office to ask what time the next game started, they replied A) 2:15 p.m.; B) 4:05 p.m.; C) 7:15 p.m.; or D) “What time can you be here?”
- President Trump’s tariff increases could be especially tough on: A) auto manufacturers; B) auto buyers; C) China; or D) the Heard and McDonald Islands, populated only by penguins.
- Members of the House of Representatives have a long list of priorities. At the top of the list is: A) avoiding face-to-face meetings with their constituents; B) avoiding yet another government shutdown; C) getting re-elected; or D) continuing to block actual legislation.
- NASA astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams were in space 9 months before their recent return. Upon landing, they said they were most looking forward to: A) home cooking; B) reuniting with their pets; C) sleeping in their beds; or D) low egg prices.
-
- For the second time this year, President Trump delayed a ban on TikTok. Many Americans reacted by saying: A) “Good grief, go ahead and ban it already”; B) “Let’s keep it, it’s not a national security threat”; C) “Thank goodness, that’s where I get my news,” or D) “What’s a TikTok?”
- President Trump recently issued an executive order for: A) stronger water pressure in showers “to take care of my beautiful hair,” B) more support for the coal industry; C) additional U.S. ship building; or D) a Big Mac with fries and a Diet Coke.
10. President Trump says he has not ruled out running for a third term in 2028, despite the fact that it is unconstitutional. His running mate will be: A) Kid Rock; B) the My Pillow guy; C) Elon Musk; or D) JD Vance.
11. As grocery prices continue to rise, the blame should go to: A) supply and demand; B) former President Biden; C) Trump tariffs; or D) store employees who just got a 20-cent an-hour pay hike.
12. The only reason I would write this column is: A) Last year’s pop quiz got a great response from readers; B) it is considerably easier than writing a column about one particular topic; C) it has the potential to make everyone angry instead of just a chosen few; or D) I’m just trying to get attention, so I can continue my quest to be America’s slowest-rising columnist.
As promised, now that you have chosen what you believe to be the correct answers, you can award your own grades, and share the results with your friends. Who am I to judge? You’re either reading this in a newspaper or online, so you are well-informed and capable of doing your own research. I know I can trust you.
