President Donald Trump’s major campaign promises in 2024 included decreasing illegal immigration, reducing the price of eggs and gasoline, banning transgender athletes, ending wars, imposing tariffs, improving government efficiency, helping Americans make more money, eliminating the Education Department, pardoning January 6th rioters, and ending government programs that promote diversity, equity and inclusion.
So far, Trump’s report card is mixed. Much like a Braves game, it includes a few home runs, a disputed call or two, some errors, and, of course, some strikeouts. Various pollsters tell us his favorable ratings are declining. Maybe so, but no Trump supporter I know personally has budged, at least not publicly.
Unlike his first term, there appear to be few disagreements among his cabinet members. Some critics say there are no guardrails, meaning no one dares to differ with the president. Watch his televised cabinet meetings, and listen to the tributes from every department head. I can’t get that kind of love from my own family. (Full disclosure: they know me very well.)
Considering that both houses of Congress and a majority of the Supreme Court are proud Trump supporters, whatever Trump wants, Trump will get, at least until the 2026 midterm elections.
One of Trump’s first acts was an executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. The Associated Press, which has covered every president since 1881, was barred from the press briefing room after choosing 500 years of history over Trump’s declaration.
He has also proposed renaming Veterans Day (November 11th) as “Victory Day for World War I.” (A few days later, his press secretary backed off on the idea, after complaints from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and Disabled American Veterans.)
Most recently, he announced that his administration will not acknowledge the Persian Gulf, opting instead for the Arabian Gulf. Time will tell if the world follows Trump’s guidance on another name dating back to the 16th century. It’s a good thing textbooks are largely obsolete, or there would be a lot of re-printing to do.
I’m a traditionalist, so I’m not wild about changing names on a whim when we as a nation have bigger fish to fry. But if the president is determined to continue his renaming spree, I have a few suggestions that would benefit us all.
Mr. President, let’s start with Worchestershire Sauce. I can’t even tell you what it tastes like. My parents taught me well: if I can’t pronounce it, I don’t eat it. While you’re at it, fix the town of Worcester, Massachusetts. I can’t find “Wooster” in that name anywhere.
Next up is Greenwich Village in New York. I am not too proud to admit that I thought it was pronounced Green-witch until I was an adult. I’m sure I had heard people on TV say they grew up in “Grinnich Village,” but I had not put it all together. Mr. President, make those New Yorkers say Green-witch. Let’s not confuse another generation of children like me, who grew up with AI. (Where I come from, that stands for “Alabama Intelligence.”)
Also, why must we Americans endure France’s Cannes Film Festival? It is pronounced “can.” But Mr. President, we should not be forced to pronounce it that way. I’m counting on you to Cannes this name. You Cannes do it!
While you’re replacing outdated names with new common sense names, tell the British Prime Minister that we will add new tariffs until they start spelling the River Thames correctly. If they insist on pronouncing it this way, we Americans will just call it “Tim’s River.” Did you hear that, Associated Press? We’ll give you another chance.
I am suggesting a lot of executive orders, so just cram all of these into one: we must rename Albuquerque, New Mexico (no city needs two Q’s in its name), Spokane, Washington (if they want to pronounce it Spo-KAN, they must give up that “e”), and of course Cincinnati (how many N’s and how many T’s? Nobody knows).
Finally, expand your reach to the 7th planet from the sun. You must rename Uranus. If you don’t know why, you’ve never been a snickering 7th grader in science class.
