Robin Williams is dead at the age of 63. The coroner’s office has revealed that the beloved comedian died of asphyxiation, hanging himself. I’ve lived through hundreds of celebrity deaths. Why is this one hitting me so hard? Allow me to do a little work therapy. I have to talk this out with you.
First, a brief tribute to the man. I saw him first on “Mork and Mindy.” We hadn’t seen anyone quite like him. Part of the fun was watching his fellow cast members just try to keep up, because you knew he wasn’t following any script: that’s what made the show a hit.
He made some movies in the 80s. Some good, others not so much. But then there was “Good Morning, Vietnam.” That made me a Robin Williams fan for life. There’s no doubt someone wrote a script for that one too. At some point, a wise director said, “Just keep the cameras rolling when Robin gets cranked up.” Again, that’s what made the movie.
Later there were so many others, the funniest of which were probably “Bird Cage,” “Mrs. Doubtfire” and “Aladdin.” But there was also “Dead Poets Society.” “Good Will Hunting.” “Awakenings.” This manic comedian, who literally took over the late-night talk shows when he appeared as a guest, had incredible range. Not only could he make us double up with laughter, but he could also make us cry. Name other actors who can do both so brilliantly. It’s a very short list.
I’ll also miss his comedy albums, which are the closest I ever got to seeing him perform live. I’ll go to YouTube to find his amazing guest-spot on “Whose Line Is It Anyway,” which showcased his improv skills. And I’ll deal with the fact that I just wasn’t finished with him yet. I know he had another HBO special or two in him, like the wonderful one he did after returning from his heart attack in 2009. Surely he had some more hit movies up his sleeve. We’ll never know why he decided to leave us so early. The instant experts are already on TV post-diagnosing his depression and his addictions, many of which are well-documented because of his celebrity.
It’s hard to find a silver lining at this moment, but his celebrity is all I have. It took Michael J. Fox’s battle with Parkinson’s Disease to bring it to widespread public attention. When Glen Campbell’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s was announced, suddenly people took notice, and Congress held hearings. Now that we have lost Robin Williams to suicide, maybe we can talk about it openly and honestly.
Just days ago, a local teenager was buried. You didn’t read it in the obituary, but the cause of death was suicide. We whisper about it, we say it under our breath every time it happens. It happens far more than you might think, especially among teens. A few months ago, a popular teen in a neighboring county committed suicide. There were tributes on social media, with many friends alluding to the cause of death, but few actually saying the “s” word. I received some calls from the teen’s classmates: “You should report on this,” they would say. “Someone needs to tell her story.” “People need to know why she took her life.” I reached out to the family, but was told they didn’t want to talk about it. I understood. “Let me know if and when you can talk about it,” I replied. I’m still willing to tell her story, if it can help someone.
As long as I can remember, the general policy among news outlets has been to shy away from reporting suicide unless it is a public figure: an actor, an athlete, a politician. The fear expressed most often is that reporting a “regular person” suicide is that it will inspire copycats. Someone will see the face of the teen who overdosed, or the man who jumped off a bridge, or the woman who shot herself. The viewer might himself be going through a rough patch, and say, “Well, I’m going to do it too, and I’ll be on the news, and everyone who has screwed me over will be sorry.” Maybe there’s something to that.
But on the other side of that coin is this: many people are convinced that it can’t happen in their family, until it’s too late. They don’t understand the impact of a break-up, a divorce, the loss of a job, severe financial problems, being a victim of bullying, or the effects of addiction, depression and mental illness.
They don’t know the warning signs and traits that often accompany that final, fatal act. Changes in behavior. Giving away personal possessions. A general feeling of being helpless, or worthless. Cleaning up one’s room, or home. “Could you watch my dog for the next few days? And check on my parents too. I have some business to take care of.”
Robin Williams leaves behind a mourning family, lots of high-profile friends, and millions of fans. His comedy shows and movies will always be a mouse click away, or at the nearest Redbox. Perhaps he’s also leaving behind a better, clearer understanding of suicide, and a growing awareness that it is among us. It’s too late to help him, but there is help out there for the rest of us. It takes away people of all ages, and we need to see it coming. Thanks for letting me talk this out. I had intended to write about suicide after the death of the local teen a few days ago, and I guess now was the time.
Robin will always make us laugh, except when he’s making us cry. Today, there’s not a dry eye in the house.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness. Find Help. Find Hope. HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI or NAMI.org
What has always frustrated me about depression is how misunderstood it is. It’s an illness. You can no more “just get over” depression than you can just get over cancer or heart disease. We need to shatter the stigma of mental illness as a condition in which it is the sufferers’ fault. It won’t be easy, but it can be done.
What a beautiful tribute.
David,
Nanu-Nanu!
Your comments are totally on-point. For years I have shared with my students that “suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem”; however, ‘the problem’ can last for months, years and even decades.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about Robin Williams, a fellow who brought smiles to so many for so long, but also tears to us tonight.
“Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.”
Go in peace, Robin.
Depression is a very real illness. That is what we need to be talking about also. There is still so much misunderstanding….
It’s only in the last six months that I’ve had any treatment for depression. I would never have committed suicide – but not because I wanted to live. I just didn’t want anyone to say of me what I’ve heard so often of others who have done so – “I can’t believe anyone could be that selfish!”
So I didn’t get treatment until the depression was so severe that I didn’t eat, while breastfeeding an infant. My son was six months old and ten pounds when DFCS took custody of him and of his older sister. I still didn’t feel like I ‘deserved’ help – I still thought I had to buck up and not infringe on anyone, I still thought I had to ‘fix myself’ on my own, that it was ‘cheating’ somehow, to get professional help.
But, with my kids in state custody, I didn’t really have a choice – and the requirement was freeing. Since I HAD to get help, it meant I was allowed to.
What little I know about Robin Williams – from the kinds of movies he chose to do, from the way he put himself into comedy that devastates – I suspect that we share a ‘style’ of depression, even an addiction to it. I’ve been in treatment for close to five months now – and even with all the help that I’m taking advantage of (two months of intensive treatment every day, medication that is working very well, actually eating and drinking, getting my environment back in order…), it’s still one of the hardest things in the world to do – to choose to LIVE, instead of simply existing.
If I feel like this after at most two decades of chronic depression (I’m 32, and I don’t really remember if I was ever free of it, though the first severe episode I had was when I was seventeen) – imagine what it would feel like after forty to sixty years.
When I read that Robin Williams was dead, and that it was probably suicide – I wish I were shocked. I wish I were surprised. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t.
Very nice tribute to Robin. So sad to lose him—-Comedy all the way to serious–loved all movies were good—-Mrs Doubtfire, Bird Cage and Good Will Hunting were my favorites. I was disappointed in the TV show this year and heard it wasn’t renewed–I wonder if that was part of the depression. RIP Robin. You will be missed
David the last line of your moving tribute is so true “tonight there’s not a dry eye in the house.” Robin Williams was one of my favorite actors. May he rest in peace. Let me take a moment to share my story. I had only one blood aunt. She was my mother’s sister Josie. On September 3rd 1991, my aunt was killed in the Imperial Foods chicken plant fire in North Carolina. She had three kids. I was closest to my cousin Rodney Josie’s middle child. We grew up together before they moved to NC. After the chicken plant tragedy took his mom from him Rodney became depressed. Depression turned into drugs and alcohol and drugs and alcohol turned into my cousin hanging himself in 2004. I miss him everyday. Depression is real and we need to stop dismissing it as something that is not bad or will just “go away.” If you or someone you love is depressed please get help. try NAMI.org for help and resources.
Depression changes one’s rational thinking. Suicide is like a default setting. Simple things can’t be dealt with and it piles up to a breaking point. Depression is a health condition that benifits from treatment as much as diabetics benifit from insulin. If you have depression, talk to someone until you find the person who can help you, who will listen and not suddenly look at their watch and say, “l have to go.”
Relevant, truthful, necessary. Well done, David.
He also took Christopher Reeves’ wife and son in after his death and then helped her through her lung cancer diagnosis and death. He was a man who never took his celebrity to seriously. I read an interview recently in which he stated he went back to TV because he needed the money two ex-wives are expensive true or not who knows? What I do know is that I suffer from severe clincal depression anxiety and panic attacks. So I get why he did it I just don’t have the courage to follow him. It’s not selfish or cowardly sometimes your mind just tells you it is the only way out, All the thoughts going around and around in your head won’t stop until they taunt you into making them stop.
You said you don’t have the courage to follow him, but suicide does not take courage, Lisa. It takes Satan telling us time and again that we can’t take anymore, that people would be better off without us, that you can’t take anymore. And yes, it IS selfish because it leaves the people who love you wondering what else they could have done. Mind you, I am not putting your depression down or dismissing it lightly. I have suffered from extreme depression and Satan has whispered every one of those lies to me at one time or another. We must recognize them for what they are–lies. We must fight back and tell ourselves the truth–that God loves us and has plans for our lives. There is ALWAYS a choice according to whose voice you listen to and believe. I don’t know you, but I’m praying that you will choose to listen to truth and not to the great liar and deceiver. Blessings.
Thank you for your reply. I have been in treatment for years. But you never know when it’s going to hit you. There is no rhyme or reason there doesn’t have to be a trigger. I’ve taken many anti depressants that eventually stop working for me. You have to try to understand anyone who commits suicide is not thinking with a rational mind they don’t think they are harming their family they think their family will be happier when they are gone and they aren’t dragging everyone down and causing them to worry they are settting their friends and loved ones free by removing themselves and their problems from the world.
Lisa,
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. I am the wife of a suicide victim…if you or anyone else understood how it effects the family that is left behind I don’t believe you would entertain the thought. God put you on earth for a purpose…your life touches many and in ways you may not realize. Life is PRECIOUS and it is worth fighting for.
He always could uplift my mood. His humor was very unique and enjoyable he led others to success such as Jim Carrey in his style.
He had talent in the more serious roles also but because he intermixed humor within the part.
Thanks for Sharing this, David.
My son committed suicide. A terrible loss and unanswered questions always. I know Robins family will feel the same way.
David, thanks for your tribute to such a great man. I, like you, have always been a fan of Robins and cannot figure out why his death is bothering me more than other celebs who have passed away. Maybe it’s because he was so good at making me laugh that I find it hard to believe he could have been so sad and depressed.
I remember the sitcom Mork and Mindy and his appearence on Happy Days, he was a hit with me the moment he appeared on my TV. It’s hard for me to pick just one of his many movies as my favorite but one that I find myself watching more often than others is Patch Adams.
I do want to take this time to said that while I understand suicide due to depression, that depression is a mental illness. What I can’t understand is suicide due to bullying. If everyone would remember the GOLDEN RULE….”Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” that would put an end to a lot of teen suicide. I think of all the suicide I hear about, teen suicide is the one that breaks my heart the most. I am not making light of any suicide I am just saying that bullying can be stopped and needs to be stopped.
May God bring comfort to Robin Williams’ friends, family and his many, many fans. And to all those who have lost someone dear to you I pray God give you comfort as well.
David,
Thanks for the inciteful comments on Robin Williams death and the comments on depression as well. Someone close to Robin Williams must have surely missed a sign from Robin, but then he had such a complex personality that it was probably hard to figure him out as to his moods. Open heart surgery certainly changes folks attitudes for sure as we can attest from relatives and just folks we know who have experienced that.
One thing that I don’t think I’ve heard mentioned is the loss of his mentor and friend Johnathan Winters last year. I’m sure they confided in each other as they were cut from the same bolt of cloth for sure. The world has lost a good soul in Robin Williams. What a talent. RIP Robin Williams and thanks again David for thoughtful and incite in journalism.
Bill McCallie
aS USUAL, DAVID –
David – Thank you for putting these thoughtful observations into words. I hope and pray that this kind of honest sharing will help us all grow in our willingness and ability to look this difficult subject in the face.
well said, David, well said
Beautifully written and we’ll thought out. We lost a brilliant mind when Robin lost his battle with depression. Great job from another brilliant mind. JL