As anyone who knows me can tell you, I was a lucky child. Born to great parents, for sure. But on top of that, I had two older sisters! Brenda and Elaine were 12 and 10 when I was born. From personal experience, I highly recommend being a baby boy in a household with two older sisters. You might say (because it is a fact) I was spoiled by all the attention. My wife has been trying to straighten me out ever since, and I’m told it is an ongoing project.
Brenda Carroll Selph in the 1970s
Brenda was a strong-willed, adventurous girl, in an era when that was unusual behavior. The day after she graduated from high school, she moved to Memphis because she wanted to be on her own. I was only 5, so I didn’t understand the challenges that would pose for a 17-year-old country girl. When I was little, she was a hero to me because, I was told, she rescued me from a dangerous situation. Apparently an electrical outlet sparked a small fire near my crib, and she got me out of there. Again, having big sisters is a wonderful thing.
As we got older, I looked forward to annual Christmas visits from my sister, and her “big city” gifts. It was great having the whole family in our house again. Every year or so, we’d visit her in Memphis. One of those trips may have been a life-changer for me. When I was 9, she took me for a visit to WHER in Memphis, the first radio station I ever saw. Evidently, the radio bug bit me that day, and has never let go.
Brenda was always stylish and beautiful, and she had a good ear for music too. Her radio would be on great stations like WHBQ, and she played albums like “Band on the Run” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumours” on her stereo. She always showered me with attention, making sure I didn’t have to do any cooking. As she pointed out with a laugh, no one had taught me any kitchen skills at home, so I would get the same royal treatment at her house.
During her first few years in Memphis, there were ups and downs, particularly on the romantic front. She had a difficult first marriage that soured her on men for a while. Then she met the love of her life.
Brenda and Steve Selph, 1992
Steve Selph was about five years younger, and had served in Vietnam. He was a fireman from a firefighting family. He tells me that for him, it was love at first sight. She took some convincing, but he was up to the task. They got married 41 years ago, and they were truly a great team. Look up “soulmates” in the dictionary, and their picture ought to be there. They were inseparable. After a few years of marriage, both wanted to get away from the city to find some peace and quiet. They found a house about 30 miles east of Memphis, in a small community called Mason. The house was just the right size, with enough of a yard for them to garden and putter around. They named their home “Hearts Rest,” which is self-explanatory, and totally accurate.
With no children of their own, they “adopted” an entire community of neighbors, church members and friends, who would stop by for food, drink and song. A few weeks ago Brenda got the diagnosis we all fear: cancer. Skin cancer, or melanoma to be exact, was spreading through her body. When I visited with her a month ago, friends and neighbors were dropping in to bring food, and to offer encouragement. Brenda and Steve were the heart of that community, and just as you would expect, neighbors rallied around the woman who had served as their mom and sister.
Steve says death came quietly this week. Although Brenda had been mobile, talkative, and positive since the cancer diagnosis, she had weakened a little, day by day. Those angels who provide hospice care were able to control the pain, abiding by her wishes not to endure radiation or chemotherapy.
When I left her in late July, she had asked for her hospital-style bed to be moved into the living room, with its big front window revealing a yard full of natural beauty. She wanted to see the birds visit the feeders she and Steve had put up for them. Those birds have lost a friend, and I have lost a sister. But we’re all better off today, from the love and nourishment she provided for us.
In lieu of flowers, Brenda had requested any memorial donations be sent to Hoyt Carroll Scholarship Fund, c/o North Sand Mtn. High School, PO Box 129, Higdon, AL 35979
Brenda Selph and Chris Carroll, 1988
Vince Carroll and Brenda Selph, 1990
Sorry for your loss.
Praying for your family. Very sorry for your loss.
So Sorry for your loss keeping you and your family in our prayers
David, first I am so sorry for your loss. Second, I feel as if I know Brenda, from your writing above. There are really no words to use to describe losing a sibling, but you somehow shared her with us. In the days ahead, both Gene and I will keep you in our prayers.
sorry for your loss.
I was fortunate to get to see and talk with Brenda at the Carroll reunion a couple years ago. Had been close to 50 years since us cousins visited and played with you and the sisters. Loved Brenda’s spirit, we had an excellent get together. Thanks to Biddy, too. Brenda was great, will miss her.
So sorry for your loss. Beautiful words for someone who meant so much to you. She was truly loved.
Sorry for your loss David!
David, I’m so very sorry at the loss of your sister. What a beautiful tribute you have given her. Praying God’s peace and comfort to you and all your family.
So sorry for your loss! Praying for you and your family.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. Such an awesome tribute you have given her. Prayers for you and all your family.
so very sorry for your loss. prayers for you and your family.
God bless you. Sorry about your sweet sister.
So sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman. Praying for you, her husband, and all of the family. I lost my older brother 1 year ago, the first sibling to go. I still feel that loss every day. Allow yourself to grieve.
Great tribute David. Missing my first niece tonight. Love to you and Biddie.
GREAT TRIBUTE TO YOUR SISTER, So sorry for Your LOSS, PRAYERS for YOUR FAMILY in The Days to Come God BESS You. Carrie LOWE.
We Lost Our only Son will be 2 years Oct. 14 due to a Motor cycle accident and it has Devistated us. The only way I have made it is Through My Lord Jesus. Prayers for The Family. I watch channel 3 everyday.
So sorry for you loss. This was a beautiful tribute to your sister. Prayers for you and all the family.
Beautiful tribute to your beautiful sister.
So sorry for your loss! What a precious tribute to your sister.
sympathy and prayers to your sweet family
GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!!!!!!!
David, I am so sorry in the loss of your sister you loved so much. I know this is so hard on you and your family. My heart, my prayers with you. I have a dear friend that just had surgery for this cancer Monday, she is recovering from the 5-hour surgery at Memorial right now. You may know her, Clo Roden, from the fruit and veggie stand previously at Farmer’s Market, with a stand in Ft. Oglethorpe today. I gave her your book when you first put it out. You signed it for them.. As I pray for peace for your family, help me pray for Clo in her situation. Bless you David… you are a true and wonderful person. Tutti Harris
I am so sorry for your loss. Such a great tribute written for your sister. God bless your family during this difficult time.
Sorry for your loss.
Prayers for you and your family
So sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family.
David, what a lovely tribute to your sister. Having lost my older sister I know what that loss feels like. Somehow we think our siblings will be a constant in our lives and it is a shock when they are no longer there. Sisters are special and it is very obvious that you cared deeply for yours and she for you. I am sorry for your loss, Jerry and I both send kind thoughts to you and your family.
David, what a beautiful tribute to your sister. Know the feeling, having lost a brother, but our God is so loving and faithful to comfort us. Will keep you in my prayers.
We have lost our precious Brenda for now! But we will see her again! Love you, David!
Great job David. We will all miss Brenda and our prayers are for Steve and other family members. Very glad that Brenda was able to attend our reunion a couple of years ago.
Your uncle,John
What a beautiful tribute to your sister. I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.
David you always have beautiful tributes for others, but this is wonderful about your sister. It brought tears because I could feel your love for her. Praying for you and your family during this sad time.
What a wonderful tribute to your sweet big sister! I think my Gracie knows exactly how you feel about being spoiled by much older siblings! It is a beautiful thing!! So glad we all got to visit with Brenda at the family reunion two years ago. Brenda called me last year when she couldn’t attend the family reunion at our house. I begged her to come, but she very sweetly explained that she just didn’t feel up to it. What a wonderful Carroll reunion we will all have one day!! We can have it at my mansion on Golden Drive (first house past the Pearly Gates!) Love you, David!! You mean the world to me!!
David, I am so sorry for your loss
Sorry to hear about your loss. I’m sure you’ll always have the memories to keep her close in your heart.
Sorry for your loss, will pray for you and your family.
David, what a beautiful tribute to your sister! As I have told you before, the tributes you write in memory of friends and family are the best I have ever heard or read. Anyone would be blessed to have a friend like you, I wish you and your family peace and many wonderful memories of your sister.
David, your wonderful words allow me to know your sister through your memories of her. Thank you for that. And many blessings to you and your entire family.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister, Brenda, but what a precious tribute to her! Thank you for sharing your memories.
Wonderful tribute, you communicate so well through your writing. The loss of a sibling removes a part of your heart but it leaves all the love and memories. Thank you so much for sharing.