Trading cars and baseball players

My trusty old Toyota, 223,000 miles

I recently spent two months trading cars.  I was in no hurry, because my old car was still in good shape.  Now the ordeal is over, and I have learned a lesson: there’s too much information out there.

Remember the old days of horse trading? A prospective trader would look for any sign of injury, examine the horse’s teeth, and the deal was done. It took about five minutes.

Now you go online and learn a car’s history, compare the price with similar cars, and read hundreds of reviews.  I would take notes, take a test drive, and make more notes.  Soon my pockets were filled with scribbled factoids like, “good price but needs tires,” or “so-so car but great salesman,” or “best car for the money, but hate the color.” About the time I’d make up my mind, I’d go back online and see yet another car I liked.  Here we go again.

Braves are making deals too

It made me think of the Atlanta Braves, and the deals they’re making.  New general manager John “Coppy” Coppolella inherited a bad team, and in an effort to obtain good young players for the future, traded away some of the older players.  As a result, the Braves now have the worst record in baseball.  The hope, of course, is that in a couple of years, those young players will be great at the major league level.

So when trading cars, I would put my Coppy hat on, and pretend I was making a big trade for the future.  Just like him, I had many choices in the car “free agent” market.

Would I go for a flashy, expensive import like Hector Olivera?  The Cuban outfielder is well-built on the outside, but I’ll bet the Braves wish they had looked more closely under the hood.  Many ballplayers look rock-solid, but when you put them on the field, their flaws are exposed.

Hector Olivera mugshot

In his particular case, they don’t do so well off the field either (Olivera is serving a lengthy suspension for an arrest on domestic violence charges). That’s like spending a fortune on a new car, and then seeing a huge puddle of oil on the floor of the garage.

Decisions, decisions

Maybe then I should buy a less showy car, one that’s a little older, with a track record.  A car that’s been tested, and has endured some wear and tear.  It won’t win any races, but it will get me to work every day, and save me some money.  Perhaps it’s a car I’m familiar with, one I’ve driven before.

Jeff Francoeur

In Braves terms, something like a Jeff Francoeur, a Martin Prado, or a Kelly Johnson.  On second thought, maybe Kelly Johnson isn’t the best example.  If I got a car like that, I’d be trading it in and re-purchasing it over and over, much like the Braves do with Johnson.

Or I could take a chance on a newer, unproven model. A salesman may try to talk me into a “rookie” car in its first year.  “Oh this one has barely been driven, but it has so much potential! I’m hearing a lot of buzz about this one.  Buy it, and you’ll have no worries for 15-20 years!” Now, sometimes that gamble pays off.  In years past, the Braves plugged Hank Aaron, Dale Murphy, and Chipper Jones into their lineup and never regretted it.  They got a lot of miles out of those guys, with very low maintenance.  They won a lot of races too.  It’s nice when that happens, but far more often you end up with a lemon.

Of course, the worst that could happen is buying one with too many miles on it.  It’s almost out of warranty. Sure, it’s been a solid performer for a few years, and you’ve been green with envy while trying to catch up to it on the freeway.  Boy, that Dan Uggla looks good, wish I had one of those.  Those two Uptons would look good in my driveway, I don’t know which one to get (heck, I’ll just get ’em both).

Ultimately the deadline arrives and you have to pull the trigger on that trade.  You go with your gut feeling.  You hope and pray that the car salesman (or in baseball terms, the player’s agent, or opposing general manager) is being honest with you about your new ride’s past, and its potential.  If all goes well, you don’t overpay, and your new purchase drives like a dream for years to come.

On the other hand, if you agree to a long-term deal, and the transmission fails, the belts break, or the fluids leak, you’ll be out shopping again soon. Here’s hoping that won’t happen to me…or the Braves!