Waiting on Parts from China

I used to complain about customer service before the pandemic. As we now know, those were the good old days.

During the past few weeks, I have spent more time “on hold,” awaiting human interaction, than I have with my family.

From tracking lost packages, to standing in long lines waiting for rental cars, I now realize that America is seriously out of order until the parts come in from China.

In late January, a friend in Australia ordered a copy of my “Hello Chattanooga” book. I sent him a message making sure he understood that my modest $30 book would cost him an additional $55 in postage. He said, “Sure, that just means it will get here faster.” I said, “Good point. We can both track its journey. The USPS website says it might take 7-10 days though.” He said it would be worth the wait.

I went to the post office, paid the postage, and bade my book a fond farewell as it headed Down Under.

As Dr. Seuss would say, oh the places it would go. From Chattanooga to Atlanta, to West Palm Beach, to Opa-Locka, to Miami, to Knoxville, back to Atlanta. Two weeks had passed, and the $55 had gotten my book to Atlanta, twice. It could have hitched a ride and made it there in two hours.

After spending several more days in Atlanta, my book sought fame and fortune out west, visiting Los Angeles. By now, it was three weeks into its odyssey. Its ticket was clearly stamped for Australia, but the Americans were reluctant to let it go.

My friend in Australia was tracking its progress and told me, “Your book must be very good. It’s been read at 13 different post offices so far.” I could not disagree. It is a real page-turner.

The book eventually escaped its USPS captors, either getting smuggled on to a plane, or boarding the slowest ship in the ocean. Finally, a full month after leaving Chattanooga with great expectations, it found its forever home in Australia. My friend said, “I will always treasure this book. For a mere $55, it took a month-long trip around the world. I could pour $55 into my SUV, and it would run out of gas in 4 hours.”

My next customer service ordeal began when my garage door opener died. Incredibly I had saved the receipt from my purchase in 2006, along with the lifetime warranty. I called the manufacturer, which I shall not name. I’ll just say the name of the company reminds me of a classic Barbara Eden sitcom.

When I placed the call, I only had one wish: a replacement. I was greeted by a recorded voice saying, “Due to the unusually high call volume, your approximate wait time is 30 minutes.”

I’m pretty sure the voice then said, “If you have questions about your warranty, press 3. If you are checking on an order, press 4. If you’re going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. To speak with Jenny, hang up and dial 867-5309.”

I put my phone on speaker, and figured I could get a few chores done during the next half hour. Ninety minutes later, Customer Service representative #1 confirmed I was covered by the lifetime warranty. So now I would be transferred to a “Level 2” representative. (Spoiler Alert: I would wait much longer.)

Mr. Level 2, a certified garage door doctor, asked about the patient’s symptoms, and confidently said it needed a new “receiver board.” He said he would send one at no charge, and it would be easy to replace. He did, it was, and….it didn’t fix the problem.

So I called back, went through all the lengthy steps again, and was told a different part might fix it. Just one problem: the warranty only covered one part, so I would be charged for any future parts. I guess when they issued that “lifetime” warranty, they didn’t expect me to live this long.

Since then, I’ve dealt with failed AC units (home and car), electrical issues, and cell phone problems. But rest assured, when those parts get here from China, everything will be just fine.