Where’s That Bathroom on the Right?

As you may know by now, I love rock ‘n roll oldies. That’s what I grew up listening to. Now, all these decades later, I’m playing catch-up. There’s almost always some song from the 60s, 70s or 80s blaring from my car speakers, and that’s me trying to sing along. The other day, a song was on the radio, and I realized I had no idea what the singer was saying. Since I was driving, I couldn’t go to Google and read the actual lyrics.

Many singers of that era just wail along, mumbling and slurring. For instance, if you thought John Fogerty was singing “There’s a bathroom on the right,” (a bad moon on the rise) I was right there with you.

Of course the malady isn’t confined to just me. During my radio days, I got numerous requests for Steve Miller’s “Chug-a-Lug,” (actually “Jungle Love.“)

It even goes outside the border of music. In fourth grade, I had a pretty good handle on the Pledge of Allegiance, but another student would routinely recite, “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for Richard Stands.” He was surely among many who wondered, who is this Richard guy, and why is he always standing?

Quite often, the singers themselves are to blame. They’re either intentionally garbling the lyrics (“Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen), drowned out by the music (Mick Jagger, in almost every Rolling Stones song) or maybe they want to keep us guessing (Michael McDonald in many of his Doobie Brothers hits, like “What a Fool Believes“).

Still, Tom Jones is loud and clear in the opening lines of “She’s A Lady,” when he belts out, “She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a wiener.” Everybody I know pronounces the word “winner,” Sir Tom.

When I hear Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf,” I think my misheard version makes more sense than the real thing. To me it sounds like they’re singing, “I smell like a sow, I’m lost in a crowd.” Actually, they’re singing, “I smell like I sound.” I like my words better.

Some of us like to repeat the wrong words anyway, even if the correct ones are loud and clear. Who among us hasn’t mangled Elton John’s beautiful “Tiny Dancer” by belting out, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” Mr. Danza himself gets a kick out of that one. Or at least he did the first 500 times people sang it to him. It may be getting old to him by now, but it’s still funny to me.

John Mellencamp and Bob Dylan have kept me guessing for years. I think they do it on purpose.

Back in the static-filled AM radio days of the 1960s, my top-40 DJ friends tell me that listeners used to request “Shop in the Neighborhood” instead of “Stop in the Name of Love” by the Supremes.

We still couldn’t hear that well in the 1970s, when Cher’s “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” sounded more like “Gypsies, Chimpanzees.” That’s also the decade when Neil Diamond’s “Forever in Blue Jeans” sounded like “Reverend Blue Jeans.”

Mick Jagger was still at it, making us think “I’ll never be your beast of burden” was actually, “I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’.”

The song “I’d Like to Make It With You” came out sounding like “Bake It With You.” Maybe that was because the group’s name was Bread.

I guess you couldn’t blame some folks for thinking Frankie Valli’s hit “My Eyes Adored You” sounded like “My Eyes of Georgia.”

I’ll close with two of my recent favorites, sent in by parents of small children who play the oldies for their small children during car rides. Is it any wonder those kids thought they were hearing “The House of Verizon Sun” when the Animals were singing about “The House of the Rising Sun?”

And when Peter, Paul and Mary sang that folk standard, “The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind,” the kids were hearing, “the ants are my friends, they’re blowing in the wind.”

What are your favorite misunderstood songs? Send your stories to me at radiotv2020@yahoo.com, and we’ll share some laughs together.